you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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