It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
