dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
