Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
