marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
