I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
