dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
