he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
