I accidentally had phone sex last night
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Too much gin, very little bucket
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize