she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
