so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
