I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
