my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
