Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
