I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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