At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
