I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
