There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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