Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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