Kiss
Puke
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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