Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
