plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
