did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
