that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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