This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize