The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
