Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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