you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize