She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
