jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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