Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
