Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
