We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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