i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
