Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
