TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Hippo gnu deer
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
