Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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