once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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