Its about making memories worth repressing
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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