So drunk its hurt
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
