Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Mom said you looked used
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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