I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
