Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
