his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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