Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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