i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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