Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
