can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
