ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
