I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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