Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
