I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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