She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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