May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
