There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
