hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize