goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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