No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
