mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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