Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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