She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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