Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
