remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
