he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize