I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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