yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
