just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Randomize
