Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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