Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
