I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize