I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I FOUND THE LEGS
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
