Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
