Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
