I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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