yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
