New low: just hacked my moms facebook
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
