mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
